Nick panics when Julia doesn't want to put a label on their relationship. Meanwhile, Jess enlists Julia to help her get out of a traffic ticket, Winston reconnects with a former booty call and Schmidt is baffled as to why his shower towel is always damp.
- Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day
- Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
- Max Greenfield as Schmidt
- Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
- Hannah Simone as Cece Parekh
Nick lounges in bed with Julia. In the bathroom, Jess tells her she enjoys having another girl around and that there are tampons hidden everywhere. Schmidt takes exception to the ladies, even after Jess points out most of the hair products are his. He admits he uses sculpting chutney, and pronounces it "chut-en-y". Everyone ends up in the bathroom and Julia bails. Jess has plans to see her later, Julia's helping her get out of a ticket. Nick objects to her using "the girl he's sleeping with" for favors. Not his girlfriend, they're not labeling it. Jess does a sophisticated voice and dance as she mocks him. Winston tries to improve on it and the guys conclude he needs to get laid. Winston debates calling Shelby, a girl he hasn't seen since he got back from Latvia.
Cut to Winston out with Shelby, talking about himself non-stop. He finally asks "your place or mine?" and gets laughed at. He took her out for drinks at the place where she works. She gives him his bill and thanks him for the water. At the apartment, Jess settles Julia in and offers her a couch blanket and cookies and cupcakes. The ticket has a picture of Jess behind the wheel. She says she braked to avoid a bird, then had to speed up. She missed her first court date because her ex didn't send her the notice because he doesn't believe in the mail. Now it's an $800 fine. Julia says she'll give it a chance, a "judge might go for this whole 'thing'." She means Jess' cupcakes and braking for birds and big eyes "like a scared baby."
Julia tries to casually ask if there are a lot of girls coming by, but Jess is saved by Nick coming home. After Julia goes to hide in Nick's room, Jess tells him Julia doesn't like her. Jess tells Ce Ce and Sadie, the lesbian gynecologist, about Julia saying she has a "thing". When Nick comes in, the girls give him grief and he asks what Julia said. They try to explain it's just how girls are mean. Jess remembers a time a girl told her "you rock a lot of polka dots" and it ruined their friendship. Nick explains that Julia isn't like other girls and doesn't do subtext. He claims she's upfront about everything.
Jess asks if Julia asked him if he was seeing other girls, because she asked Jess if he was. Out that night, Nick freaks out that he's in a relationship. Winston worries about not getting laid and thinks he only got action because he played basketball. Nick can't believe he's just now figuring that out. Julia comes in and joins them, saying she thought she'd just "drop by." Nick is flummoxed, saying he didn't know they were doing drop bys. Nick says Jess told him about her asking if he was seeing other people. Julia tries to explain that's not what happened, then says she only mentioned it because she's dating other guys and didn't want to feel bad.
Nick deflects, saying he's having tons of sex, including right now, behind the bar. They agree about not labeling again and Julia goes to the bathroom. Jess finds Julia and tries to apologize, but Julia is having none of it, saying she can see what Jess is up to. Julia says she's just the lawyer who wears suits and Jess is "the really fun teacher girl with all the colorful skirts and you bake things and eventually Nick is going to come running to you and you'll tuck him in under his blankie...." Jess cuts her off, but finally Julia says she doesn't like her and she asks Jess to leave because she's about to cry and Jess is the last person she wants to cry in front of.
So Jess leaves crying. She runs into the men's room to cry but finds Nick crying there. Winston visits Shelby at her restaurant, announcing that he's come to listen to her. She points out she was a booty call for two years, then nothing for two years. He says he's an idiot and she's way out his league and he'll leave her alone if she wants, but he'd like to see her again. Jess waits her turn in court. Julia comes in, telling Jess to just enter her plea and let Julia do the rest. Jess cuts it all short by pleading guilty. In the hall, Julia mocks her, saying they'll never know if the "I brake for birds" defense works. Jess tells her off, saying that she does brake for birds, and rocks polka dots and she's freaked out that Julia is not a dessert person and wishes Julia's pantsuit had ribbons on it or something to make it cuter, but that doesn't mean Jess isn't smart and tough and strong.
Finally, Jess tells Julia to just talk to Nick. "I'm about to pay this $800 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch," Jess says, storming off. Winston walks Shelby home and asks if he can take her on a real date. She says he can call her and he does a celebration dance before she's in her door. Schmidt reaches for a towel in the shower, but comes up empty because he put it in his room to avoid it getting damp. He ends up walking to his room covered by a washcloth as Jess, Ce Ce and Sadie sit on the couch. He segues into a sex rant, telling Jess he only wanted a girl roommate because he thought it would lead to sex with her, or at least her friends, but he's getting nowhere. (The apron he puts on for cover has a tampon in the pocket.)
Julia knocks on the door, she came to talk to Jess but struggles to get out an apology. She sees that Jess has company and Jess invites her for crocheting time. Cut to Julia talking about her childhood. Nick comes home and she asks to talk to him. He braces himself for the worst, but she tells him she doesn't want to date other people, she just wants to date him. So this means he's her boyfriend. In the bathroom, Schmidt revels in the new towel racks, thinking they'll solve his damp towel problem. But his towel is still damp so he summons the group.
Nick quickly solves the mystery by clarifying that he thinks his towel is the one Schmidt also thinks is his. They've been using the same towel, and Nick never washes it because he figures he's clean when he uses it.