Nick suffers a blow to his self-esteem when Jess walks in on him naked, before his date with his coworker. Meanwhile, Winston gets obsessed with learning pop-culture references online.
- Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day
- Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
- Max Greenfield as Schmidt
- Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
- Hannah Simone as Cece Parekh
- Lauren Dair Owens as Young Jess
- Aedin Mincks as Young Schmidt
- Molly Bryant as Interviewer
- Barbara Kerford as Schmidt's Mom
Jess joins the guys watching a scary movie. They're sitting in silence not talking, but she plunks down eating ice cream and talks over the movie. She suggests they watch "Fame" instead, or "An American Tail," "It's about a little Jewish mouse, with a big heart..." And that's the end of movie night. Schmidt tries to prepare Nick for his first date in a while. It's with a girl who's so ironic some times, he can't tell if she's being serious. A lot of "Like, right? I know." Schmidt suggests one of his magical date plans. Jess joins, wanting to know about it. When she hears it's with Amanda from the bar and it's his first date since Caroline, she lays on the pressure. "Scary stuff. Falling rocks! Bridge out! Duck!" They tell him to suck in his gut. "The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies," Jess calls it.
Nick preens in front of the mirror then practices his white man dance moves in front of the mirror. Winston tells Schmidt about his terrible chit-chat filled interview. "Did you see the JWoww re-tweet of the Gaga Twit-pic?" he's asked. He explains how he knows Word, how to open a document and save. And "save as." Schmidt tells him the chit chat is the interview. But Wintson's been out of the loop for the past two years . Schmidt tells him Betty White is back, but the rest of "The Golden Girls" are dead. Winston resolves to catch up on pop culture.
Nick continues rocking out solo to reggae, then strips to check out his offerings. "It is what it is," he assesses. Jess shouts at him to turn down the music. He doesn't hear her, so she barges in. She sees his junk and shriek giggles and runs. Winston watches two movies at once ("The King's Speech" and "Human Centipede") and tells Schmidt to quiz him on chit chat. Jess comes in and says something happened and it's not a big deal. She tells them she saw Nick's "pee pee and his bubbles." Nick walks out in a hoodie and tries to leave the apartment. Jess tries to talk about it, breaking out her best cockney, but only makes things worse. After he manages to leave, Winston says it's not a big deal. He's seen Nick's junk a million times because they grew up together. "Locker rooms, swimming pools, penis fights -- it just happens." Schmidt feels left out and wonders what would happen if he has to identity his remains by only his penis. Schmidt tells her that Nick is delicate like a flower and so she has to never speak about it again. Or sing about it.
At the end of his date, it seems to be going well. They're back at Amanda's place but he's having a hard time reading her ironic signals. She tries to get his shirt off but he resists. She takes hers off instead, totally and completely shooting any self confidence he has. He can't strip. She asks awkwardly if he wants to take it slow. They end up lying next to each other in bed fully clothed, barely touching. The next morning, as Winston watches the "Double Rainbow" video on YouTube, Nick comes home. Jess tells him she has something from school that made her think of him. It's a feeling stick, allowing the holder to express themselves. She hands it to him to talk. He snaps it. She carries a travel size.
He leaves the apartment and she follows. She apologizes for laughing and says it was: "Beautiful. Stately. A real treat." This does not make things better. Someone joins them on the elevator. She tells him she thinks it's great he dances naked to Jamaican music. He gets off the elevator, then gets back on, dodging her. She finds him again. He tells her she ruined his date because he kept hearing her little laugh squeal every time he tried to strip and he just wants to have meaningless sex with what she's calling his "bing bong and chickadees." She wants to have an adult conversation, he wonders how this is possible when she can't say penis. She tries. It comes out "pyrnaz." She tries singing it. Then penist, then fake Italian. Nick goes to the bathroom and finds Schmidt lurking in the stall. He's the only one who hasn't seen it.
Jess tells Cece what happened. She asks if Jess made the noise she always makes. Apparently she gets the giggles about sex. She suggests the only way to fix it is to show Nick hers. Schmidt finds Winston on the floor, watching YouTube. He's having a hard time adjusting to not playing basketball any more and getting replaced as the black guy in Latvia. Schmidt takes him on a run to work it out. Schmidt feels bad about being a grown man with roommates, no girlfriend and his best friend won't even let him see his penis. At work, Nick apologizes to Amanda, giving sharing his feelings a try. He says he was nervous. She appreciates the honesty.
Back home, Jess flashes herself in the mirror. She's not super comfortable with naked time either. She hears Nick come home and races into his room to flash him. But she hears Nick coming home with Amanda. She tries to hide beside the bed, but it's a futon. Amanda is all over Nick, with the lights on. He's about to strip when he looks down and sees Jess. Everyone screams. Jess runs for the door, but drops her towel. They see her completely naked. She pauses and welcomes Amanda to their home. Later, in the living room, Nick yells at Jess about how they have rules, like they have doors that must be knocked on. Jess picks up the feeling stick, but Nick doesn't find it funny. So Winston takes a turn, telling Nick that Schmidt has had a bad day and if he were really a friend, he'd show Schmidt what's in his pants. They take turns passing the feeling stick back and forth calmly as Nick yells.
Later, Winston thanks Schmidt for taking him running and making him feel better by being such a lame runner. From the Internet, Winston learned that everyone has their moment. Their cat might play a keyboard, or their bear might fall on a trampoline. Their moments will come. Jess knocks on Nick's door, then comes in covering her eyes. She tells him she worked on something for him. "Penis," she says. Amanda hasn't called. Nick wonders if Jess was right that he's not ready for meaningless sex with beautiful women. "Maybe when you are you'll be able to show her your other penis, your heart penis," Jess says. She asks if Nick saw everything, even her "gumbo pot." Nick goes to take a shower, but first he turns on the water and tells Schmidt to get out. "I'm the only one who hasn't seen it," he pouts.
- It is revealed that Schmidt is the only person in the loft who hasn't seen Nick's penis, but he really wants to.
- This is the first and only appearance of Lake Bell as Amanda.
- Cece aptly tells Jess that Nick is into her, which is confirmed by Nick in Exes.
- In this episode there is a plot point that Jess can't say penis even though she clearly says it in the pilot.
- zungguzungguguzungguzeng | YELLOWMAN
- dixie chicken | LITTLE FEAT